So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize