her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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