One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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