So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
