dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
