My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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