I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
