Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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