We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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