I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
