Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
