Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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