And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
