1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
