Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
