if only i could text you this smell
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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