I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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