Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
