She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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