doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
