why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
