what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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