where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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