Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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