shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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