well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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