if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
