If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
