Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
