uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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