I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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