I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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