my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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