i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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