my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
