i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
