My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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