Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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