pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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