I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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