Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
