I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
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By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
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Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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