Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
