In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
