Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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