I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
