well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
