I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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