Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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