i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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