just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
