i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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