"it" just moved
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
