All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
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If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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