The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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