That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
