Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone

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(502): View more from Kentucky

guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.

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(716): View more from New York

i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.

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(408): View more from California

He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this

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(305): View more from Florida

We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well

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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.

(720): View more from Colorado

Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?

(303): View more from Colorado

my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are

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(919): View more from North Carolina

every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"

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(562): View more from California

Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.

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