please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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