remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
