You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
