It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
