If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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