wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
