it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
