i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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