My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
