haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
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No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
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I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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