Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
