Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
