Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
