I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
