it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You need a sexual gate keeper
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
