she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
