Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
