I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just sucked dick on a ferry
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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