Your mouth is God's brothel.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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