Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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