I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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