i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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