Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
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She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
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He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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