Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
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Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
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Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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